Time to Part?

[The following article was published some time ago in the Banner of Truth Magazine. I had forgotten about it until a recent reading of Genesis 13 reminded me of its existence. I am happy to say that the decision to post it as our blog piece for October is not because of any tensions or strife in the North Preston congregation]

Something was making it difficult for Abram and Lot to remain together. Each had become so wealthy in flocks and herds, “that the land could not support both of them dwelling together” (Genesis 13.6). What made the situation especially serious was the strife to which their problem was giving rise. There is no indication of any fall out between Abram and Lot themselves. But with their herdsmen it was different. Between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock there was strife (v.7). And it forced on Abram the conviction that the time had come for Lot and him to part.

Sadly, it is not at all uncommon for believers to find themselves in very similar situations. Significant differences of opinion over matters of doctrine, worship, and practice threaten, fracture, or even break the church’s unity. Members fall out with fellow members – or with the church officers. The officers themselves fall out with one another. Or if, as with Abram and Lot, things don’t go the length of quarrelling, the possibility of it is only too real as believers live with tensions seemingly impossible to resolve.

The purpose of this short paper is to reflect on Abram’s twofold counsel at this crisis in relations and to try and apply it to some of the parallel situations that arise in our churches.

1. “Let’s not fight”

The first part of Abram’s counsel is as follows: “Then Abram said to Lot, ‘Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and mine’” (v.8). What is of particular interest is the reason Abram gives for this. In the ESV it reads, “for we are kinsmen”. Literally, Abram says, “for we are men, brothers”. For such close relations as he and Lot to be quarrelling and falling out was quite inappropriate. Better to separate than for brothers to fight with one another.

The connecting link between this and our contemporary church disputes is very direct. What is the quarrelling of Christians but the quarrelling of brothers? Membership in God’s family makes us sons and daughters of God and therefore brothers and sisters to one another. That is why strife, with us too, is so inappropriate.

Inappropriateness, of course, is not the only reason for shunning strife. There are other reasons. Fighting among ourselves, for example, makes us vulnerable to the attacks of our adversary the devil (or rather, to yet further attacks; he has already won a victory by the fact that things have gone as far as they have).

Then there is the damage to our witness. Is this what the narrator has in mind when he points out that at that time “the Canaanites and the Perizzites were dwelling in the land” (v.7)? What a poor witness to these idolaters that the sole worshippers of the one living and true God couldn’t get on together! Certainly it is a poor witness when Christians can’t. People should see in the church the unity and peace that are so sadly missing in the world.

Once more, there is the sheer painfulness of it. Preceding tensions can be painful enough. How much more an actual disruption. If it is a good and pleasant thing when brothers dwell together in unity (Psalm 133.1), what a sore and unpleasant thing it is when they cannot.

But let’s stick with inappropriateness. “Let’s not have any quarrelling between you and me…for we are brothers” (v.8 NIV). It’s just not right, is it? Not among brothers. Nor is it difficult to see why.

There is the intimacy of the family bond. God’s grace to us in Christ has bound us more closely to our Christian brothers and sisters than blood has done to the members of our earthly family.

Again, there is the high price paid to make us brothers. It is a privilege dearly bought. For us to be part of God’s special family it was necessary for Christ to give himself up to the sufferings and death of the Cross.

Finally, there is the light in which Christ regards us. We are his brothers as well as brothers to one another.  Does Christ wish to see his brothers falling out with one another? All these things, taken singly and together, underscore the inappropriateness of brothers giving way to strife.

2. “Let’s separate instead”

We come now to the second part of Abram’s counsel: “Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right, or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left” (v.9). It was the most practical and God-honouring solution. The difficulties were such that to remain together would mean continual friction. And given the inappropriateness of that, it had evidently come time to part. And part they did. “So Lot chose for himself all the Jordan Valley, and Lot journeyed east. Thus they separated from each other” (v.11).

One wonders in what spirit they did so. The gracious demeanour of Abram together with the after history would suggest that they did so lovingly – at least on Abram’s part. In the very next chapter, for example, we find Abram risking life and limb in order to rescue Lot from Chedarlaomer and the other kings who had made him their prisoner. Then later, in order to prevent Lot being destroyed with the rest of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham (as he is by that time) famously intercedes with the Lord for the cities’ preservation.

That Christian brothers should remain together is unquestionably the ideal. We rightly shrink from separation. The principle of Genesis 13, however, is that it is better to separate than to fight. If the resolution of difficulties is not possible, if serious tensions continue, if there is a strong likelihood that quarrelling will occur (or recur), then in the interests of peace and unity we ought seriously to consider separating. So too if it will help to restore a unity already lost.

In this connection the opening words of v.9 are relevant: “Is not the whole land before you?” There was plenty of space in Canaan for these two men and all their livestock. So too for believers who are finding the strain of togetherness too great. There is plenty of gospel work for us to do in our towns and cities without having to step on one another’s toes. Indeed it is in just such ways that God overrules our separations for good. Much more may be accomplished by believers going their separate ways than by staying together in a situation darkened by divisions.

One final thought. When it is necessary to separate, let it be done as lovingly as possible. Since separation doesn’t sever the bond – we are still brothers! – let a gracious and loving brotherliness be displayed whenever there is occasion. It’s what we see in Abram in Genesis 14 and 18. Surely it ought also to be seen among brothers in the Lord.

So how do we show it? Gracious and loving brotherliness? Here are at least some ways. By forgiving those who have wronged us (or whom we suppose have wronged us). By standing together when issues arise in which we are clearly of one mind. By offering practical help if some trial is being faced. By being jealous for one another’s good name. By rejoicing in our brothers’ blessings and sympathising in their sorrows. By praying for one another. And by earnestly seeking – for the glory of God and the joy of all Christian hearts – the coming of the Saviour who will bring all our differences and separations to an eternal end.

May the Lord help us!